Very Brief Synopsis
Our rag-tag vaudeville company is divinely inspired to tell, through musical numbers and comedy sketches, an alternate biography of our G-d Yahweh:
Not the omnipotent monolith that we all know and “love,” but a lone god trying to make his way as a monotheism in a world of prevalent and powerful pantheons.
What Sort of God? (Live)
Pageant of Ante-Hebraic Peoples (Live)
It’s A Mitzvah (Live)
Great Schism (Live)
What Sort of Christ? (Live)
A More Detailed Synopsis:
(click for a VERY Detailed Synopsis)
In the Beginning
In the beginning there was naught. And then there was stuff, including people. Mankind rises and immediately goes to war with its neighbors.
A Birth of A God
Nebulous at first, a group of ANCIENT FARMERS invoke a FERTILITY GODDESS, then a WAR GOD. As society grows so do the people’s divine needs, forcing them to branch out into a whole network of gods:
What Sort of God?
A folk ballad introducing the several types of gods favored by bronze age peoplesss.
We then introduce the specific bronze age peoplesss populating this second millennium B.C. world into which Yahweh is about to be born:
The Pageant of Ante-Hebraic Peoples
Is a glamorous Ziegfeld – style fashion parade showstopper!
The Birth of “Our” God
The cup-bearer YAHWEH, declares that he’s schisming off from the Canaanite pantheon. He’s not taking any of the rest of the pantheon with him, He’s trying out a new concept: An entire peoples worshipping a SINGLE god!
We’ll Always Have Canaan
The love goddess Asherah begs Yahweh to take her with him, but Yahweh refuses her. Rejected and insulted, Asherah swears revenge upon Yahweh and promises to take worship from his people.
Escape From Pan Heaven
What is it like for a new monotheism thrust upon the world stage of prevalent pantheons? In this story it’s like a “new fish” in a maximum security prison. Yahweh is made the Egyptian Pantheon’s “bitch” for four hundred and thirty years.
Yahweh announces, gangsta rap style, that he’s now too powerful to be held in bondage. Yahweh “assassinates” the gods who have held him down.
Free from Egyptian bondage, Moses climbs Mount Sinai to receive what he believes will be The “Ten Commandments.” Yahweh reveals that Moses will actually be receiving SIX HUNDRED and THIRTEEN commandments, or Mitzvoth, through the song:
It’s A Mitzvah!
As Moses comes back down the mountain, he crashes the WILD PARTY centered around the worship of a golden calf, a tribute to the love goddess Astarte.
The luscious goddess Astarte is now backed up by her beautiful and sexy counterparts Isis and Ishtar. The trio sings that Yahweh’s religion isn’t really complete without a goddess:
The timeline moves inexorably forward to 950 B.C. and we learn that the people in the northern region of Israel are still indeed worshipping gods other than Yahweh. The response from “wise” King Solomon leads to the inevitable GREAT SCHISM between Israel and Judaea:
The Great Schism!
Schismed into fragments, Israel is ultimately a vassal of the Roman Empire, which isn’t such big news.
The Back Page!
It’s bigger news there’s a messiah prophesied to come and reunite the Jewish tribes! The Newspaper reporters latch on to this big story and root for a hero!
Claiming victory for Jesus The Christ requires re-writing the definition of “messiah,” but as a member of the mainstream media, The Editor of our newspaper has no trouble doing just that.
The Real World: Jerusalem!
It’s the true story of seven strangers each constructed to represent a different Jewish Sect in a sexy reality-show setting. They bicker and fight and eventually tell the Christian sect that they can’t be Jews anymore. Christianity has been kicked out of the house.
The Emperor Constantine converts the Roman world to Christianity in the end of the fourth century A.D. Within seventy-five years the western Roman Empire is smashed to oblivion, but Christianity still reigns throughout Europe.
Willie Dixon’s classic “Back Door God” scores this scene.
The Roman Pantheon is marched before Yahweh in chains. Instead of annihilating the gods who used him so poorly, Yahweh assimilates them into HIS cosmology: Jupiter as Christ King of Heaven, Apollo as Christ Light of the World, Mars as vengeful teabag warrior Christ!
While Venus is assimilated as both Pure Virgin Mary and Sexy Saint Mary Magdeline, the company spins into a celebratory hippie bacchanalia singing The Association’s Along Comes Mary which is surprisingly cheap to license for a small theater show!
What Sort of Christ?
As we enter our rock anthem finale, the world is returned to the new status quo. The long ages of many gods are over, replaced by a new, single deity worshipped in many forms, some barely recognizable to each other. The song is a musical reprise of the first act’s What Sort of God?